When I get a little tipsy… to the point where I may or may not remember everything, people said I would talk about robots. I’m not sure why exactly, I don’t have a robot fetish, I’ve never been overly fascinated nor have I had any big experiences with robots (besides one my dad and I made when I was little named Jube Jube that had a light in his head that would turn on). Anywho, I would begin to talk about these conniving computer driven bots and how they were coming to attack us, I thought this was strictly something I developed after I had moved to Toronto until one day a friend from my previous home city sent me a video and I uncovered a long running issue that I cannot if a sign of my brain going insane or if I am possessed by a futuristic soul trying to warn the inhabitants of this earth of what is to come…
If you believe we are about to encounter a cyborg attack than listen to my messages of warning and prepare yourself!!! If you don’t, please visit me in the hospital in the coming future as I am likely showing signs of schizophrenia.
As I was going to bed last night it came to me that the lottery is quite similar to religion. Now I know many religions frown upon gambling, but they shouldn’t!
First off, when I gamble, it gives me hope! I buy my $3 Lotto 6/49 ticket and hope to all fuck I win the jackpot. Second, the wonders of winning the jackpot and the happiness it brings will change my life. On top of that, every week I invest a little bit of my pay check towards it so it may continue to bring happiness to people of this great earth! Also, every sunday I make my way towards a place of hope. To top it all off, I’ve never seen this holy jackpot, but I know it’s out there and that hope will guide continue to guide me!
I apologize to all of the readers out there for my lack of updates over the last week, this x-mas season has been a busy one! I arrived back in town way to early this morning only to not have my luggage do the same, party. It’s back with me now and although I will not make a post tonight hopefully I can get something of grade “A” quality up in the next day or so.
In good news though I am going to be moving to a new server thanks to a wonderful man named Steven. This means I will have unlimited bandwidth & a lot more room to host all of the wonderful new features I plan to release within the new year. We’ll also have a guest appearing on the site, CANNOT WAIT to unveil that, it’s going to be huge, new design will be coming shortly & I’m planning to try and get some new music on here with the potential of…A RADIO SHOW!
Only time will tell, thanks to everyone for their support.
Have you ever had a broner? If you don’t know what that is, it’s when a bro gives you a boner. It’s a natural thing, it’s the beauty of bro friendships, it’s completely appropriate, you don’t have to sleep on the couch due to a mad girlfriend & it’s not an inappropriate act than if a female did it to you (reverse that if you are female reading this).
Also, to you homophobes, it’s not gay. It’s like “slapping five” (cred to hAndycap), if it happens it happens. Next time that happens to you know, now you’ll know it’s a completely natural thing that happens to everyone and there is a name behind it. The reason, can vary, but you’ll know it when it happens.
Let this be a bro appreciation to all the bro’s out there. Let it also be known there will NEVER be another thread on this blog that says “bro” as much as this one.
Long live the bro.
haha I told Andy I'd use this photo for this post, we're cute.
***This was originally meant to go up yesterday but it didn’t update for some reason***
First off, I apologize for not updating as often as usual, this busy holiday season is driving me mental but I’ll work on more regular posts for my non-existent readers (haha kidding, I’m getting massive support and I really appreciate it).
Now to the point, do you own a robe? Well yesterday I bought two of them. Two robes? I know, who needs TWO robes? One robe suffices, it’s not like something you wear out and you’re like “now hunny which robe should I wear tonight to the gala event?”, NO, one robe does the trick but I felt the need to buy two. What’s worse is, and please don’t judge me, but I already own a robe. So now I own 3. Great odence raven, 3 fucking robes. But before you reconsider our friendship, let’s think for a moment as to what may have made me feel the need to buy 2 more robes, especially at the xmas season.
First of all, it was an AMAZING sale, each robe was on for $20, and they were $100 robes, SECOND of all, ones thick and powerful looking and the other is sleek, suave & swanky. The only thing I could imagine was me walking around a hotel or log cottage wearing these things drinking brandy & smoking a cigar, nothing else seemed to matter but this wonder vision and so I had to have them. Granted I am only in a hotel or cottage a couple days of the year, and the odds of me having brandy and being able to smoke a cigar inside are slim, but man all mighty, when the day comes you’ll hear me roar with joy from the rooftops. Let’s not forget that even though we are busy buying presents for others this x-mas season, take a little time out for yourself!
On another note, today I asked people this question, I was wondering what you would choose if you had this opportunity:
If you were offered $1,000,000 to take Stephen Hawking in a wrestling ring, rip him out of his wheelchair and suplex him onto the mat (against his will but he wouldn’t sue you, he’d just tell you how disappointed he was buy keying it in and proclaiming it robotically to you) and dealing with news headlines that you slammed Stephen Hawking against his will onto a mat, would you?
When I was a child all I ever wanted to do was invent the hover board. Yes, I know they exist, but they suck! I’m talking about Flash Fucking Gordon type, wizzing around the sky like a bird type hoverboard, none of this sissy shit. I tried so hard thinking of idea’s I could make it happen, like looking into the earths magnetic field and creating something that would propel me up like when you put two magnets with the same charge towards each other and it repels but alas nothing.
One day while deep in slumber I had the most magnificant dream I’ve ever had, I was in my neighbourhood and I jumped on my hoverboard and blasted around the sky! Over houses, around the tree’s, soaring faster than birds around me! It was magejestical!!!!!…and then I woke up.
This was the first time in my life I ever had experienced suicidal tendencies. I was legitimately the saddest boy on earth. I tasted the sweetest most purest form of happiness and like a herion addict without drugs I crashed and I crashed hard.
Honestly, why are we wasting time curing stupid diseases, making more fuel efficient cards, creating new ways to help the environment..these are a waste of time. Instead let’s make hover boards so we can fly around happy and end things on a good note. Someone please end this massive void in my life, I think I’ll write to Childrens wish fund and put that in as my one request.
Like myself, I’m sure you are aware of Sham Wow’s, the incredible cloth that absorbs 20x’s its weight in liquid and can save you from NaStY spills! If this thing can really do that much, why doesn’t the government use this to help prevent flooding!
Like Rome, lately it has been hit with a lot of water but if they just lined the banks with Shamwow, nothing would get past it! Maybe it’ll save California from sinking! Behind all Dam’s they should put a wall of Shamwow, just in case the dam breaks like the Johnstown flood which killed 2,200 people and caused $17,000,000 in damage. Had they invested in Shamwow’s, it would have only cost them $8,000,000 and zero deaths, BUT, if you order now it will only cost you $1,000,000 and they’ll throw in a second set for the next flood!!!
There are very little words I hate more, IF ANY, than the words Pap Smear. Pap Smear to me is the grossest combo of sick sounding words ever created! Do you not agree?
Think about it…Pap? Who the fuck created the word Pap..what IS a pap exactly? (it’s derived from the doctor that created the pap smear, Dr. George Papanicolaou) and why the fuck do we have to smear it? Why not say Pap rub, pap swab, pap dabble, pap smudge even! Or get rid of both words, why not call it a rainbow test? dew drop analysis? unicorn pronge?
Those are MUCH better choices! Did you also know they have an ANAL PAP SMEAR? sweet.
It would really suck to be this guy in the photo below.. you may know him from Nirvana & Foo Fighters. No wonder he was in Nirvana, imagine the torment he got for his name:
Tonight on The Biggest Loser finale a guy talked about how he was wrestling with his child when suddenly it had a seizure. He was so upset he said, that he instantly went and had a burrito. That’s amazing! Forget calling the ambulance! It’s burrito time! I’m just kidding, I’m sure it was after all of the excitement, but it’s amazing how food is such a great thing to turn to for any situation!
It’s nice to see shows like this though that encourage people to lose weight because us Westerner’s are fatsos. Especially Americans! You’re lucky it’s only California sinking with all the fatties in that country, I wouldn’t be surprised if you drag down all of North America with you.
What I don’t get though is, why is Caroline Rhea the host? She’s just as fat as the people at the start of the competition! Plus, I swear to you all that fat the people on the show are losing is being compiled together and put into her tits! They’re twice the size of my head…each one!
