New site/new server/new home.

January 13, 2009

Please go to for all future content.

Big things coming in 2010 baby! Check daily for whats next! muahahaha.

golden globes.

January 12, 2009

Last night was the golden globes & I was reading an article that said “the late heath ledger won best supporting actor for his role in the dark night”, I can’t believe that, what an asshole, if I was honored with that prize I would give myself plenty of time so I don’t show up late.

Get your shit together heath otherwise you will never win an award again you ungrateful prick!

Playing dress up.

January 12, 2009

Dressing up is fun. Everyone likes to let loose and pretend to be something else, but can it be taken too far? There’s get togethers out there where people attend and dress up like who they thought they were in their past life and every time someone dresses up like someone famous. Like this guy, he says how Peter Pan lives life the best way but always keeping your childhood spirit and so to honour this he dresses like Peter Pan/something similar/something fairy like every day. Perhaps we should all live life like this, I think I would like to try acting like Peter Pan for a while, Michael Jackson was into the same idea but unfortunately he took it too far with the neverland shit and ruined it for everyone, at least when I had young boys sleep over I knew not to touch them!



Sean Penn.

January 10, 2009


Does anyone else have this same problem…Sean Penn has that new movie out entitled “Milk” and I know it’s about a historical movement where a man fought for gay rights but all I think when I see him he’s a handicap. This has NOTHING to do with him being gay in the film, but merely because of his role in the film “I Am Sam”…and because he naturally is an odd looking man and looks a tad disabled (more so now than when he was younger). He could play superman, he could play Ben Franklin, he could play O.J. Simpson and all I will see is handicap, handicap, handicap.

He just has that look…one of a handicap and playing any role otherwise is a far stretch, it’s like Steve Buscemi, he looks crazy and so every role he ever does he plays someone crazy! At least he knows where he stands! It’s the same reason why Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton should only play dirty sluts in everything they do.

a poster for his new film Milk.

a poster for his new film Milk.

The big trade.

January 9, 2009


Lately I’ve been discussing a lot of things regarding evolution as it’s a hot topic in my mind. It bums me out I’ll never live long enough to see us with laser gun arms or hands that work similar to a geckos (sticky) or wings on our back. I think with all the stressing and how it’s getting more and more expensive to live resulting in people having to spend more time working for the man that life isn’t getting a fair treatment of keeping it exciting. I know the day in day out repetition can make you feel like a droid so what if this happened to suddenly rock your universe and put that spark back to every day life…at say age..50, a mans penis falls off and there is then a vagina…and same with a woman, her vagina begins to rapidly grow a penis.

THINK ABOUT IT! Every day for the last 50 years you’ve lived life as a man (or woman respectively), you get to piss in urinals with ease, you rock a boner, you feel the pain of being kicked in the nuts and NOW suddenly you have menstrual cycles, arousal makes you wet and unlike being a dude thats OK! I know some people in this world DO get a surgical change from one sex to another, but look at them, they always seem happier afterwards! I just think it’s like a whole new life, you get to experience new things you never could before! Maybe if we all start thinking it hard enough eventually some chromosome or gene or cell will start working towards a change. Like the spice girls said…SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!

the beauty of a natural penis to vagina change!

the beauty of a natural penis to vagina change!


January 8, 2009

I was reading about how we can make Labradoodle’s, a mix between a labradoor & a poodle obviously. If we can do that, why can’t we make dragons?

It’s pretty much just a lizard and an eagle mixed together! How come nobody has put these two creatures in a room together, fed them Jack Daniels and let them get wild? I’m pretty sure that’s the romantic story that brought me to this lovely planet.

Seriously though, I heard Canada sent 4 million dollars to Gaza for aid, but that 4 million dollars could have gone into the production of dragons. You could then threaten both parties that if they continue fighting you will unleash dragons upon them and ta da, the war is over, no more fighting & the world just got a million times cooler. stop dragons. stop dragons.

Also, here’s an example of what we can get monkeys to do, if we had dragons we could train them to fly us around town, imagine being dropped off at school by a fucking dragon?!?

New domain soon! New inventions soon!

January 8, 2009

First, exciting news…WE HAVE A NEW HOST! YAHOO!!! Thanks to the wonderful Steven within the next day or so you can now access this blog via: !!!!!!

Get stoked. It’s a new year, big things coming!

Second, If there is any scientists reading please contact me, let’s work together on my new invention that flavours semen. It’s a pill and it can change the flavour of semen to taste like Jelly Bellies! Marshmallow semen? Peach semen? or mix 1 cantaloupe, 1 coconut, 2 crushed pineapple, 1 Hawaiian punch, 1 peach, 1 pink grapefruit and 1 very cherry for tropical fruit salad semen!!! Until the pill comes out, just to let people know that by drinking a lot of pineapple juice it can make it more flavourlicious like pineapple.

tropical fruit hair gel.

tropical fruit hair gel.

Line Etiquette.

January 8, 2009

I am going to clear this up for the world because, well, it honestly needs to be fixed. Humans have progressed in an ok manner..I mean, it sucks we can’t fly or use transporters or cure aids, but the WORST thing we have yet to sort out is line etiquette.

Seriously, for some reason when we as humans enter a line we become the biggest tits! It’s like everyone woke up with severe cramps, the store is on fire and you have explosive diarrhea that’s ready to blow. When I go to a store like Shoppers Drug Mart for example, I approach the tills where there is one on my left and one on my right I stand right in the middle & EVERY time some wrinkly pruney shreddie smelling old person or snobby posh spaz comes up behind me and goes “excuse me knob demon, what line are you in?”..ok, maybe they don’t call me a knob demon, but basically they are and it offends me and my reply is always “WHATEVER FUCKING LINE IS OPEN NEXT!!!!” I was there before you, I should go next! Why the fuck should I get stuck behind the asshole in front of me trying to return a pencil while you get scan/pay/leave within a minute.

This also holds up for when someone says “I’m open at line 3 now”, this does not mean even though you are 27 positions back from putting your hungry man & litre-a-cola down on the conveyor you get to run and be the next to pay, you wait your FUCKING TURN!!!!

I’m going to apply to Dominion to get a job similar to a traffic cop at an intersection with broken lights but for lines. I’ll wear a mesh vest 3 sizes too big and blow an obnoxious whistle pointing at people with my laser pointer and directing them to the next available till.

Make sure you practice line etiquette from now on and together we’ll improve humanity! Next stop aids! Or transporters! ..ya, transporters first! they bring more happiness!

I'll wear this and direct the lines, disobey and die via laser blast!!!!

I'll wear this and direct the lines, disobey and die via laser blast!!!!

Sexy dance.

January 6, 2009

Do you remember when you were younger and you were making a funny face and an adult would say “don’t do that or your face will stay like that”, well I think that’s what has happened with me and dancing..well, dancing like a girl…I did it too much and now it’s stuck.

I like to joke around and dance “sexy” or “seduction’esqe” and I realised after years and years of doing it it’s become my go-to thing. I mean, sure I still dance like your typical guy (nothing to brag about, sure I taught Usher a few moves here and there) but far too often when I am having a laugh with people or a random dance party do I instantly bust out moves I shouldn’t.  These kinds of moves are meant for a gentle frame, be it a female or someone who’s gay! (non-bears). Perhaps it’s due to the humour I find in it (I should have a show like Little Britain) or maybe it’s because I’ve practiced Carmen Electra’s strip aerobics too much, nobody knows. It’ll undoubtedly fall under the category of another one of life’s natural mysteries I guess….see you on the dance floor *and dip, and dip, and dip!..this is pretty much me below*

see the video on!!!

Prison weapons.

January 4, 2009

Tonight I wanted to get a lot done like clean, practice guitar & piano, play video games and more and instead of doing any of those I ended up watching a program on Pelican Bay prison for over 2 hours. They talked about all of the 4 “gangs” inside called the whites, the blacks, the northern mexicans & southern mexicans. The gangs are so mental that with the blacks gang, even bloods & crips stick together just to be safe.

For fights and protection they make prison weapons out of anything they can find, these guys are true MacGyvers! They can fold paper so tight it becomes a blade, or they take the elastics out of their boxer shorts, use it to cut off the plastic handle of a coffee mug and sharpen it into a shank. These weapons can be sold for drugs and other valuable sources. They hide them in the walls and floors by making a paste and painting it to blend it into the wall.

Now all this work is MENTAL! I can’t believe everything they go through to make these weapons and hide them. I know what I’d do, and just may, I think I’m going to make like 6 small skinny rubber sharp shanks. I’ll take these small skinny shanks and place them inside a rubber dildo and place this inside my anus. I’ll walk around with it inside me every day because you never know when you’ll be arrested and end up inside the joint. Rest assured, when I do, I’ll pass through the security check without setting off the metal detector, once inside I can get it out of me and make large profits amongst my fellow inmates. I wouldn’t doubt that this idea will be so popular all high level gang leaders will make it mandatory for junior gangsters to upon initiation must instantly place a plastic shank transporting dildo inside them for the rest of their days.

You’re welcome prison gangster world, you’re very welcome.

He would be proud.

He would be proud.