shoe racism.

On Saturday I had my first experience with racism… Shoe racism. I was attending a friends birthday party at west when the doorman said to me “you are not allowed to wear white shoes here” which basically is the same as saying “your shoes kind are not welcome in here”. Man, I thought after all these years of pain & suffering & coming together this kind of stuff would not happen! Especially pretty much my own backyard. Come on guys, I don’t deserve this, nor do my beautiful shoes.

Sure he let me in anyways & later gave me a drink ticket, but still, the damage has been done, the pain hit my shoes sole! (what a pun!). I can’t walk up to another race & make fun of them then make it ok by buying them an ice cream sandwhich. We need to come together & end the racism.

Remi Kart.

If this is what everyone was like on the road I wouldn’t get such bad road rage. Thanks to Kyle for this.

then check out this! haha

Jizz In My Pants.

I’ve talked about how I’d basically marry The Lonely Island crew before, or hum their balls in the lowest octave I can go, but today I found out they are releasing an album and I am so excited I…well, Jizzed in my pants. Here is their first single which has Justin Timberlake in it.

“Don’t fuck with me man, I’VE GOT AIDS!”

If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone wants to fight you or mug you and you are not down for a scuffle, there is a quite simple solution to avoid it..

tell them you have aids.

I was walking one day when I heard someone yell to another guy while he was really drunk and stumbling “don’t fuck with me man! I’VE GOT AIDS” and it really got me thinking..NOBODY in their right mind would want to fuck with you if you had aids! It’s true, so imagine some dickhead wants to start something with you, say those words and if he knows whats good for him he’ll back off. It seemed to work for that guy, but I mean, he doesn’t really come out on top because I’m pretty positive he actually did have aids and likely will die from it shortly…that’s a downer, but in your case you are not dying, his loss is your gain.

Try it out and get back to me.

Fact: Over 50% of Canadian highschool students believe there is a cure for aids.

Childrens television.

What’s with childrens television these days? It sucks! Besides sponge bob square pants not much has come out in ages that entertains me. Like this, what is this shit:

How about instead we just give our children acid and wear clown masks in front of them for 30 minutes?

Kids need a bit of this!

dru makes a porno.

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their support in this blog. It was an idea I dreamed up less than a month ago and in that time I have shared what’s happening in this head of mine to over a thousand of you and it encourages me to stay on this and continue to update this daily. It has also pushed me to begin the next step in a dream of mine, let it be known I have begun writing the script to my first porno. Some of you know what it is about already, others will have to wait to have their mind blown…and quite possibly another part of your body! A-Ohhhh!!!!!

Here’s another great trap pun for your day:

Trap White and the Seven Traps.

If you don’t know what this means, read THIS.

that'll be me, the fat one on the left.

Pennies

As everyone knows, a penny is a 1 cent coin. But did you know that it costs 1.2 cents to make it? I don’t think this one was thought through, there HAS to be a way to make them cost less than one cent! There has to. I mean, I’m sure it’s not a HUGE deal, but it adds up. The cost can fluctuate and may get to 1.7 cents, I have a solution. They should just use imaginary pennies and problem solved. This way it costs us 0 cents to make them, and we save .2-.7 cents in production costs. It also saves in materials since something like 7.4 billion pennies were made in America in 2007 alone. That way when you buy something that is $1.67 you can give them $1.65 in coin and 2 imaginary cents.

It’s genius, I’m genius. You’re welcome world and economy, you can send a thank you card any time. The power of imagination wins again!

Here’s a picture of my new penny in the quotations below:

” “

Friendships.

Today I was speaking to a friend of mine about his gimp sore arm after falling off a bike drunk and now he couldn’t use it much. It got me thinking to something another friend had said to many years ago.

We were all hanging out when suddenly he told me I was a good friend and he just wanted to let me know that if in the event that I had lost my arms he would, as a friend, “jerk me off” if I needed to let one loose. To show me how much of a real friend he is he said he would “wear a glove and look away” and then performed the actions of someone looking away in disgust with his arm drawn out to his side flailing wildly like an epileptic kid. This was a true act of real friendship and I was honoured and felt all warm inside. What a beautiful act, man, friendship is majestical. Let’s all take a moment to reflect on great memories and then everyone take a moment to show some love like this to your bff, go offer them a jerk off.

This song is dedicated to this post:

Chirpin’.

I HATE when people use the word “chirping”, it has to be the stupiest fucking slang ever. I’m throwing this out there but if you use the word chirpin, you are a dirty shithead. “That bitch was chirpin’ at me”…gross. If you are a friend of mine and use that word, don’t ever use it around me or friendship over. For a post about real friendship read the post above this.

BiTcH wUz ChIrPiN!

Christopher Columbus.

Did you know there is no existing painted portrait of Christopher Columbus? Yeah, NOBODY actually knows what he looked like. What I don’t get is…WHY the fuck is there no portrait? It’s not like paintings didn’t exist (for those unaware yes they painted back in the 1400’s…) so what’s the excuse? Not famous enough to get a painting? I don’t think so, he kinda stumbled upon something big. My theory, he’s the most wretched thing that ever existed. What other reason is there for a painting not to have been created? Nobody wants to associate it with a pretty well respected name. I bet he looks like a human version of this:

its not about looks you shallow jerks